Visit to an Orphanage !!!

Some of the lovable memories that one would have been through till date in their life would be spending a weekend on a resort with one’s family, sipping a cup of tea on a rainy day, waking up early for an adventurous trip, decked up for a party, shopping with the entire money in hand, meeting a good old friend on the road, watching a favorite song in television, getting a call from your lovable ones, a small appreciation for the work we have done, a sudden excitement that flourishes when things go just like how we think, cracking jokes amidst our beloved gang of friends, trying on our own to prepare a delicious dish, waking up late on a Sunday and falling asleep again, the amount of satisfaction obtained when Customer Care resolves our issue, reacting to unexpected surprises on our birthday, a presumptuous feeling when the exam commences, trying to keep the heartbeats at its own track when the results of the examination turn up, when our facebook photo is flooded with comments, when a good old teacher embarrasses us with the weird behavior of us in childhood. These are the best moments one would have been through and these memories could be cherished forever and it brings a beautiful smile on all our faces every moment we think about them. Smile is such a wonderful cure and triggering them on a kid’s face is one adorable thing one could ever attempt and I am really proud to say that I am one among the trillion billion million people who wanted to be a reason behind everyone’s smile. One of my most memorable and lovable moment in my life was during my visit to Abilashrayam, a children’s orphanage in Bangalore. The moment I decided to visit an orphanage, I did seek the help of my best friend Google which displayed so many results and I tried to get into them in detail and finally got held at the name ‘Abilashrayam’ and the photo they had posted captured my eyes and then immediately gave a call to the lady who was the head of the organization. She was a very kind lady and the moment I spoke to her saying that I am on my way to visit the orphanage the excitement from her end gave me a lot of encouragement. So I enquired her all necessary items that she required the most for the orphanage and then she gave me a vague idea of what I am supposed to buy and then I rushed to hyper city mall next to the place where I reside. That moment I understood that I was unaware of how to shop groceries. I had to look at people and admire them as they purchased the groceries in a very efficient manner and finally I had to bug a guy who was working in the mall to help me find those items and then after a lot of struggle trying to pull the so called ‘basket’ to and fro and with great hardships I managed to reach the billing counter. I was so happy to buy those items for the kids from my own salary which gave me a lot of satisfaction that I ever had. Even during shopping for myself I do think twice if I am supposed to get that particular dress, accessories or not but one good thing that I observed is that when I paid for those items I felt that I wanted to serve more and more because it really gives me a satisfaction when I think that I am also a reason for their smile. After buying all the groceries and other items I called up the lady again and told her that I have started from my place. She told me that the kids were eager to see me and that I promised her that I would bring snacks for the kids on that day. I ran outside in search of cake shops and then finally found one ordered few cakes and went in search of ATM. The weather was amazing and it was pouring outside. I do always love playing in the rain but not in Bangalore because it completely freezes me every time when I hear the word water. I waited in the long queue and as usual the person who stood before me while drawing money had aaaaaaaall the problems on the earth due to some fault in his card. He was fighting with the ATM showing some irritated signs and then after 15 minutes I totally lost my patience started to bang the entrance. At last! He opened the door and came out with a ‘glow’ meant to be a sigh of relief on his face which literally triggered me to give him a bad stare for having settled inside the ATM for such a long time. I am so sure that he didn’t wanted to get wet and that’s the reason he spent inside fighting with the ATM. I did get all the items and it was already 4.00 PM. The snacks time for the kids was scheduled at 5.30PM everyday and I was sure that I would not be able reach there on time if I use the transportation by bus in Bangalore because the place was situated tooooooooo far from my place. So enquired an auto man the amount he would charge to the orphanage and he replied 500 Rs, I was shocked!!! I was wondering that I pay that amount to reach my hometown and I was really thinking if people would afford so much, still I wanted to try my luck asked him to reduce the amount and I asked him for 250 bucks. He gave me a sarcastic look and then he said ‘NO’, I said fine and left the place searching for another auto. In my hometown when any auto man claim for a higher amount we used to say ‘NO’ and then wait at the same place for few minutes, finally he would agree for the amount we suggested and would curse us and let us inside the auto. But Bangalore autos are something weird, I stood there for 5 minutes but he never reacted and so I had to plead him again for 400 bucks and got into the auto. I was very eager to see the kids and I had arranged the cakes, chocolates, paper plates, groceries, notebooks, color books, pencils, and notepad everything in an orderly manner and reached the place after an hour. It was 10 minutes already past 5.30 and my heart was pounding seriously because I was already 10 minutes late. From the main road I somehow managed to enquire the way to the ‘Ashram’ with the help of my ‘basic’ Hindi skills. I am sure the people who answered me would have forgotten Hindi that moment. I reached the ashram and I could see 5 to 6 kids playing on the road, they were highly excited to see me carrying me a lot of bags and I could recollect the same excitement when I felt the while seeing my mom carrying a lot of bags after her work every day. They came running towards me especially to know what were inside the bags. They tried to help me carry the bags and I could see the innocence in their hearts, every kid wished me ‘Good Evening’ as taught by their tutor. I did wonder that I did not have such a good habit of wishing everyone but these kids were too adorable. The head of the ashram welcomed me in and she was happy to get the items that I purchased for them. She told me the history of every kid, totally there were about 16 kids and many of the kids had parents who were very poor who faced hardships for a day’s food. So they did leave the kids in the ashram and took them home on weekends. As we were speaking about this we served the kids with Black forest cake, milk treat chocolate and cold drinks for snacks. I could see them that they had this taste once in a while and not always, they had the snacks with so much of interest and tears literally started pouring down my eyes and I wish I was able to give them this happiness every day. After having snacks they started playing and they were all eagerly waiting for a girl named ‘Pinky’ youngest among all who had been to her parents place on the weekend. As I kept speaking to the lady she introduced me to every kid and I started playing with all of them and all on a sudden I could see all the kids rushing towards the gate shouting ‘Pinky has come’, ’Pinky has come’. I also rushed in excitement to see the little girl and I could see from a far distance a lady carrying her daughter and I assumed that she would be Pinky and her mom. All the kids ran towards her and her mom, gave them a warm welcome. Pinky’s mom had got her and the other kids a lot of snacks. The head of the Ashram told me how poor she was but Oh my god what a great heart she had to buy these kids a lot of snacks and I am sure she sacrificed her day’s food for buying those snacks. I could not explain the love she had for her kid as well as all the other kids in the Ashram and then I could hear a loud cry from the little girl when her mom waved her a goodbye and started to rush far from the little girl’s eyesight as she couldn’t control her tears. Pinky’s mom who started to leave all on a sudden came running held Pinky in her hands, kissed her on the cheeks and started to walk without turning back. I could not control my tears when I heard Pinky screaming out for love and I tried to hold her in my arms and convince her but I couldn’t digest the tears. My heart carried so much of pain hearing to her cry and how much pain that little girl would bear at her age and what else is so horrible for a kid to face this separation. Her legs for trying to follow her mother’s steps and her hands were trying to reach her shoulders but she couldn’t, her mother had already vanished out of sight. All the kids convinced her not to cry and we gave her a chocolate, at that moment nothing other than her mom could have been a solution for her tears. She kept crying for a very long time and I could not explain this in words because the pain is struck in my throat right now. She finally got dressed up by another kid and sat in a corner of the room thinking of her mom. I am so sure her mom would have cried the whole week and she would have been waiting for the weekend to come. It was already late and I had to leave the place with a heavy heart. I waved goodbye to all the kids and also to Pinky but she never replied as she was completely struck by the sorrow. I prayed to God to fill these hearts only with happiness and not with such sorrows, even at this age we long for our parents everyday when we are away from them, when such grown-ups like us seek for parents all the time why not this little kid have such a wish to cuddle her mom every second. I was thinking why these happen to these adorable kids and all I could do was just pray for the welfare of the kids and lend them a helping hand all the time. I boarded the bus and reached home around 8.30 PM and had a satisfaction that this day I have done my best I could. Henceforth waiting for my next visit to an orphanage I hereby end this post hoping that this post would have at least triggered some of them to help and serve the society. Thank you for the patience for having read this post.

God's own country !!!!

I have been thinking about this post for the past 1 week and finally I guess I got the right time to pen down this post. This is completely about the ‘God’s own country’ that I had been to and I never knew that my wish would come true this early. I have been patiently waiting for these kinds of trip for the past 10 years and now this happiness has completely filled my heart. No wonder I keep thinking about this all the time. It is worth reflecting many a times about the most ravishing place on this earth. Let me stop these adjectives right here and start with the excitement that I had preserved the whole week before the journey. Every time when something good was bound to happen to me, there stood the irksome devil to destruct them. I have really no clue in what means that devil would be successful but this time I thought I will not let him defeat me anymore. Now you may have a doubt ‘Which devil is she talking about?’, no I really did not mean anything in real but the imaginary, illusionary evil that tries to pull me out of every joy. Probably some sort of ‘Shani’ that I have already mentioned in my previous post tried to play a game. The day before the journey I had a little bit of excitement combined with a fear because this time I really wanted it to go on well and here comes the shock that scared everything out of me. Got a call from my friend stating that ‘I guess this trip is cancelled’, so I felt like ‘Hmmm, fine I knew it’. I did lose again to the presumptuous ‘Shani’. I did not completely worry about it because I knew something was bound to happen and it did happen. Thank god, I did not dream about it so much else I would have been sinking in a pool of sorrow which I never wanted to happen. So did the evil feel sad for me or did he lose in the game for I was never worried about the news. Being ignored and frustrated the evil was disinterested to play further, that time I did receive a call from my friend saying ‘ The trip is not cancelled’, I felt like screaming out of happiness but I did control because it might trigger my best imaginary friend. I preserved the excitement for the rest of the days and I packed all my baggages for the best place ever. I guess I am entering the ‘so called title of the post’ only now. I always have a habit of pouring out every feeling that I completely went through and that’s why I guess every time I write a blog it ends up in pages. May be that entertains the readers too, anyways let me continue. I was completely prepared for the trip and the same day I had my certification exam in my bay. Huh!!! I had this feeling, ’Oh my god’, so I wish I am not screwed up in the test now and this might affect my happiness in the forthcoming days. I did think again, ‘Fine, if I flunk let me clear it in the next test, tat’s it’. Wow! What a confidence!!! I wish I had it throughout! Finally I cleared the test with 83.33 % and wow I felt like I was going to have the maximum fun then. I did run in excitement and finally I was seated in the reception waiting for my friend to pick me. She was the one who invited me for this trip and I am really thankful to her for giving me such memorable moments. I was very anxious to meet her team and then everyone came downstairs and she introduced me to every one of them. The very moment I saw her teammates I knew that this trip was going to be amazing; I really did not know the reason but it was just a sudden feeling that really came out true. All of us reached the main gate and the bus did turn up in few minutes and finally I was ready for the enthralling journey ahead. Every time I get into a bus I always prefer the corner window, it gives me a filmy surrounding when I hear to any song and then I am completely lost. But this time it was a little bit different I did not spend all the time in hearing songs, I enjoyed hearing to Hindi songs sung by the most wonderful team in the bus and though it sounded like an alien language to me it was great to hear, see the enthusiasm, enjoyment and excitement in everyone. I wish I had known the language that I could have enjoyed more. I knew that something great was going on. Hindi anthakshari was real fun and I had this weird expression combined with a fear if someone would converse with me in Hindi. Thank God nothing of that sort happened and even if it did happen I would just smile and keep the other person satisfied that I have understood every bit of what they told because I never wanted to interrupt anyone while speaking in Hindi, the words might lose the real meaning. So I guess it is better to tell them at the end that I don’t understand Hindi though a lot of people forget it when they utter the second sentence to me. Later, I fell asleep in between the event that was happening, my friend asked me not to sleep and I did try my level best to control still I could not control because I was tired the whole day. To make her happy I took short naps and then when she looked at me I was trying to act fresh and convince her that I wasn’t sleeping. That was real fun. I never knew that I would see the so called ‘next day’ too early and I could see a lot of alluring greeneries by my side and in my sleep I was trying to discover saying that Kerala was fabulous, later when I woke up I did realize that we were in Coimbatore and not Kerala. Wow!!! A feeling of being in my hometown was so great. Felt like ‘Back to home’ and then took out my camera clicked a lot of pictures, ‘lots and lots’ and posed for every click possible. I felt very fresh and it may be due to ‘Coimbatore’ that marked a change in me. I wish I spent some more time there and then the journey started again, followed by the anthakshari again. We stopped by ‘Aryas’ for breakfast and then I felt very proud to speak in Tamil with those workers in the restaurant amidst all Hindi people and it gave me a very delightful feeling. I had the best taste after such a long time, Ghee roast with chutney and Sambar followed by the filter coffee was amazing. We continued our journey again and then we were tired to a great extent because the ‘God’s own country’ seemed to be so far though we seemed to reach many kms ahead. We made it around 3.00 o clock in Kerala especially to ‘Kumarakom house boat’. We had to board a small boat initially to reach the house boat. The moment I saw the lake I felt so delicate and the wavy feeling came over me, I wanted to just float right there. A feeling of astonishment and love towards that lake prevailed in me throughout. I just could not take my eyes off from the enthralling beauty surrounded by me. The scenic beauty uttered a lot of words to me. I heard them speak to me; I saw the happiness when they did see me. I too conversed with them and I almost went deep into the conversation that I did not recognize that I had reached the house boat. The place was too great, I felt like the best home ever; I wish I had spent my whole life in the middle of such an attractive lake. Time doesn’t seem to be moving and beauty doesn’t seem to be fading at that moment, all I wished was to just stare at the most fantabulous lake and keep dreaming every second. We then had our lunch around 4.00, refreshed completely and then I wore my favorite salwar suit and there is a reason that lies behind this suit too. I just thought I should wear something that would complement with the lake, greeneries and so I wore my green suit. Green is always meant to be graceful and so I did want to portray in that way. I clicked a lot of photos, not just because I was a photo freak but I wanted to treasure every moment in the photos and whenever I see them I wanted to feel ecstasy of the place right there wherever I am. We had great event that night and as usual everything sounded like an alien language but I did enjoy a lot and even when people looked at me whether I am enjoying or not I covered up everything with a smile throughout. I was almost tired the whole day and finally decided to sleep after having a very yummy dinner. I wanted to feel fresh the next day and so I thought it would be better if I had a good sleep that night. I really fell asleep in a short span of time and next day morning I was freezing literally because of the AC ‘Ooooooh it was so cold’, I wrapped up myself in a blanket, myself and my friend went to the hall to check out the lake again. The boat was completely covered by screens, so we attempted to just move them and check out the beauty of the lake at night. I could see the water which portrayed itself so graceful that night but still we were scared to sit alone because it was too early around 4.00 in the morning, we had this kind of illusions, what if someone jump in all on a sudden, so we just ran inside and again it was freezing. We wanted to get ready soon and so thought we could take bath in cold water, we did so and finally both of us started clicking photos as soon as we got ready. The lake seemed to wake up from a tiresome sleep because of the movement of the boats. The beauty still stands right in front of my eyes and seriously words are not enough to explain the pulchritude of the lake. We went for boating and I had taken the liberty of rowing and I still don’t know if I was successful. The trees and the wind completely seemed to be uxorious; I could see the love they had for each other. Enjoyed the ride, had breakfast and waited desperately to sip a cup of coffee. So it was a sign for us to leave the adorable lake and I missed the house boat and the lake so much. The lake waved a sad goodbye to me and I promised her that I would be back soon. I said her that I had more plans in future and I did say her that I will come back to see her. She was sad but still she accepted the fact that I would be back. I too bid a sad goodbye to her and then our journey proceeded towards Athirapalli waterfalls. My mom used to tell me that water was always a fear factor in my life, probably something superstitious is written that I have to be careful in water every time I near it. This time I was daring and I tried to attempt it, wanted to reach deep inside the water far away from the shore and finally my dream came true. I troubled lot of my friends during the tour in the water, I couldn’t withstand the rocks and I kept falling a thousand times but then enjoyed the pain too, I slipped many a times and got hurt too. But it doesn’t matter in such a wonderful journey. I still feel the ecstasy of falling many times in the water and it sounded more like an adventure to me. The falls was amazing and the downpour was extra-ordinary couldn’t stand or handle too much of beauty at a time. I guess I really need some more time for that. The memories were great and the place was too pleasant and then when I reached the bus I realized that every part of my body seemed to be dislocated and I cannot stand so much of pain, but the memories and the fun smoothens every tough pain and that satisfaction seemed to prevail in me. I just wanted to take a long nap that night but unfortunately I was seated in the first seat and my legs were almost cramped in that place. All I could think at that time was ‘Oh my god! The trip is over’, all that begins well ends well. I wish all that ended well has a better new beginning. This could be treasured as the most enjoyable and lovable journey forever. Thanks to all for having made my journey memorable. I end this post right now and I wish to come up with another interesting topic in the next post.

Best Thought Ever !!!!

Bangalore, 5.23 PM………
An amazing weather that literally drives me crazy prevails here. As I stare at the beautiful river amidst the wavy greeneries and sip a cup of tea the wonderful moments that I spent till this moment flashes through my mind like a lightning.
In a second I am tempted to look at the pleasing drops showered from above become a part of the river on one side and visit the greeneries on the other. I could see a tiny kiddo playing happily with all his goats and the innocence observed as he drives away his goats is just adorable. I could assure that he would be the happiest person this moment and I too have attained the peak of happiness by just watching his cute reactions though many of them seem unclear. I wish I was invisible for few moments so that I could have captured a clear picture of his cute reactions all alone. I am again drifted to the thoughts that are waiting to flush in through my mind and create an impact for the rest of the day. I let them to visit for a while and it is obvious that they would also be bored if they don’t come in. I had all beautiful thoughts that sprinkled sparkles over my memory and I was really longing for those days. I realized that I have gone through a cocktail of emotions that made my life something special. Is this the way I am going to remain throughout thinking about the past victories and working hard for further more to come. Yes it is required but that is not the destination. Making few changes in my own live isn’t a big deal at all because I am responsible for myself but making changes in other lives really does makes a difference. This is only about the good deeds I am speaking about. As I stare at the boy who drives the goats off I really feel that it is not the right place for him. Boys of his age have their wishes done once they are asked for, something like ice-cream, toys and much more fascinations. As these thoughts strike my mind I could observe that the boy was searching seriously for something amidst the garbage and worn out plants. But what does this boy wish for and what is he searching for, probably a consumed eatable that was thrown half-eaten or probably some collectibles to make his own toys or may be a poster or paper that he could use for exhibiting his painting skills or may be some herbs to feed his goats. We would have never dreamt of even doing such things but I cannot control my emotions seeing those. The dress that he was wearing would not be the size of the hand-towel that we use. Lots of questions arise in my mind, How can the boy bear the chillness? How would the boy be safe amidst the garbage? Who will take care of him if he faces any obstacle in his path? Who will stop him from kindling the worn out ones? Who will let him safe to his destination? He has no one to communicate around him except to the goats. No one would have left such an adorable kid all alone into the woods if they did not have the job of finding a solution to get their next meal. I feel ashamed of myself when I think about the fuss that I created for getting a better meal instead of the best. I am ashamed of myself for ending up in frustration for getting an expensive dress of the color that I did not wish for. A single meal that I have would serve them for the whole year if they get to have and a single dress that I decide to throw away might serve them for many years. Now I realize a lot of things in this moment, it is a mere waste longing for happiness or extreme happiness because we are all goddamn lucky to be in this position. We must me the happiest person on the earth for having led such a comfortable life. Now I get to know the truth that I am happier than the kid is, but still the kid feels that he is the happiest person on this earth. I thank god for giving at least a thought to the kid even though he is deprived of all the other needs. Are you all searching for happiness? Let me tell you a way; Let us make a difference in their lives. A little contribution like one meal per day, few bucks a day, few visits at the weekends to orphanages, donating food, money and lots more. Bringing the most adorable smile in a child’s face cannot compete with any other damn happiness on the earth. Trust me it really works!!! Let us bring out some beautiful smiles and make them cherish these moments for ever. Let’s change the proverb “God Bless you” to “Humans can also bless you”. Hope you all get the real meaning of it. As I end the sip of tea with 2 conclusions, one I will make it a point to make the maximum difference in people’s lives; two I will be contented with whatever I get even if it is nothing I really care a damn about it because being in their position for a day doesn’t affect us in any ways. Hoping that I have made a difference in the reader’s heart I end this post; At least by triggering their minds to think about it is my victory.

Dad this is for you !!!!

Dedicated to my dad !!!
I pen down my first poem, written in the memory of my dad(Mr. N.S Viswanathan) who passed away on 26th September 1997. Dad, I dedicate this to you from my heart I really miss you dad.

I was returning back from school
On the way to see my beautiful souls
Something happened unusual
And everyone seemed so sorrowful

Lots of crowd gathered around
I was amazed to look around
I ran like a kitten to open the door
Lots of hands stopped me from doing so

I was led through the backyard
Where the crowd that I could see was weird
And the strange feeling came over though…
When I entered home through the back door

I was offered some butter milk to drink
But my eyes never remembered to wink
I could see something hidden
I never knew it was the owner of the kitten

My heart started beating when
I saw his legs being tied like a hen
I dropped the milk…
Running fierce fully amidst the crowd

My heartbeat stopped
And my life was gone
I stopped breathing
When I could see his eyes having closed

I ran towards him crying aloud
Asked him to open his eyes
I waited for a while expecting his reply
He never replied though.

I placed my feeble hands on his eyes
Too many people stopped me from doing so
I asked them why I shouldn’t
They replied me that his eyes were gone

I cried aloud asking where it was
The crowd replied that he has donated his eyes
I asked them ‘how will he see’
The crowd replied that he will never see

I could see the nostrils being blocked by cotton
I cried aloud again saying
Remove them please ‘how will he breathe’
The crowd replied that he will never breathe

I cried aloud saying
Remove the knot being tied in the legs‘how will he even walk’
The crowd again replied that he will never walk
I was crying aloud saying

Please remove at least the ice over his body
He might feel cold
The crowd replied that he can never feel anymore.
I was stunned ….

Cold water was sprayed over me
I poured the same on him
Fed him with the last rice
I could see people carrying him away from my tiny soul

I waved him the last Good Bye
I never saw him later then
Heard that he had turned into ashes
But the fumes would stay in my heart forever

I appeared like a feather
Two flowers holding me together
But did I even know that
One flower was about to move farther

I searched for you the whole day
I dreamt of you the whole night
I hoped for you every moment
All I ended up was in disappointment


I lost my guide half way through
But the other flower held me in her hands throughout
She helped me get a good education
She helped me gain a good position

She is a legend for me
And that I would always hold her in my heart forever
The kitten is now a cat
Waiting every moment to see her master

13 years of loneliness
156 months of pain
4745 days of tears
113889 hours of remembrance

6833322 minutes of hopes
409999342 seconds of memories
I swear I am unable to bear
I want you dad to be with me

Please come back to see your kitten
And I am sure you exist here
Your eyes still exist in the earth
I wish I could see you again

And I will tell you the way for it
My womb is waiting for you …
I wish to have you as my son dad
To hold you in my heart forever.……….

LOVE YOU DAD!!!

Yours Lovingly
Saraswathi Sneha

Instant Feeling !!!

Instant Feeling!!!
Really tough to realize that d best phase of d lifetime is gone….Childhood, School and College days have vanished and now we are in the crucial stage….standing on a knife that has sharp edges on both sides..(yea rite tis sentence has been copied from a tamil song)…at times songs do convey the truth..now Y am I writing tis blog..a big question mark coz I don ve any particular topic to discuss abt coz ma mind is clouded with the fact tat am 21 …..n jus 79 more to go….I mean 79 doesn’t matter however 21 matters a lot..I could c the difference when ppl treat me lik a grown up ..tat’s obvious and tat’s how a 21 year old gal has to b treated and I don’t really lik it tat way. I used to really feel happy and proud to answer ppl who ask me tis question, “What are u doin nw”, n ma reply ud b,” Yeah m doin ma first year in Engineering ECE Dept, n then the answer turned out to be “Second year, third year n final year”, Now I hate replyin for the same question, ”Hi, What are you doing rite nw?”, “Yea, I ve completed Engineering ”, Oh Gosh I hate tis answer…n then they ask, so “hmmm hw abt Job or higher studies ” n I say “Yeah I m placed n gonna work”, hmmm thank god relieved but wat the heck ud b the next question n it turns out to b the same , they ask me ”What’s next”, I do have an idea of giving tis answer, “Hmmm pls don bug me wit such questions, stay away”, still got to be a well mannered gal so ma answer ud be “Yea I tld u rite, hmmm I m gonna work” , n the question session s not over …”Yea after tat”, so I get the point …”NEXT,NEXT,NEXT” yea so the word means “MARRIAGE”, hmmm finally they want me to tel them tat next ud be “MARRIAGE”, Huh..I don understand the fact if relations are meant to be marriage brokers at times…n tis is the reason I hate going to marriages…I wish I remain Invisible in such places or may be a time machine cud help me to get back to the past or may b relations cud suffer a short time memory loss at such instance n dey frget abt the word “Marriage”..I jus wanna knw one thing y 90% of d gals r always treated like a machine where they do bear an agenda the whole life,” 5-17years meant to be school life, 18-21 (namesake for a degree just to end up in a literate groom), n then no break direct landing to Marriage life…What do they even knw? Elders pl do give them a break….The reason for havin ended up in tis topic is tat yesterday I went to a marriage of ma friend, “I stress on tat word, coz she’s of ma age”, We weren’t too close yet a hi and bye meant a lot.. she’s ma aunt’s colleague’s daughter…We used to greet each other wit a wide concave curve on our faces n tis lasted until I came to knw tat she’s goin to get married…I mean I didn’t get a chance to meet her for a long while n I met her yesterday as a married woman, She looked at me as though I was a kid n I did love it n I looked at her as a grown up, may b the word “aunty “ ud suit…nt by looks it’s only by her status “MARRIED”…I really felt weird coz I jus had a feeling if I had to wish her for her 8th semester results that were out yesterday morning or If I had to wish her for her marriage wit an artificial concave curve that ud turn out convex at any moment…”Happy Married Life” n she gives me tis dialogue really weird, “Thank you” wit a sad face as though I gave her a gift tat she hated the most”, tis is weird coz it’s really a short one. I expected lot more…huh Am I dreamin or something? She’s been a great frnd who used to be a lot more bubbly whenever I meet her , her talks used to make me fly n now once she has attained the status “Married”, she jus says “Thank u”, hmm okie may b I m still a kid who bears a status “Unmarried” n tis s really a cool one better than the previous one…okie so I m lost in tis blog n I am really not into the topic n I ‘ll never until ppl realize tat gals r not meant to be machines n they r humans….they do have their own wishes n they ud want to do a lot more for themselves, family n society. Pl do not crush their wishes n treat them lik empty hearted humans…..Guys who read tis a kind favour pl, “Neva attempt to marry a gal who s too too young, give them a break…b a bit outta the box n try not to crush their feelings, understand them, they need to face a lot more challenges in the outside world”, tis blog is dedicated to all ma frens who ve really gone through a tough time sayin “Yes “ to instant marriages. I really knw tat I ve scribbled something here but I do knw tat those who read tis blog ud be able to understand the actual hidden feelin of a gal….the delicate wishes tat she has in her heart…..somethin like “Mom n dad, here’s ma first month salary, I ve got you a gold jewellery mum n dad I hve gt u a wonderful watch” n the parents in turn hug their daughter (irrespective of the gifts, tat was jus an example) havin the same feelin wen they had 20 years back while holding the wonderful tiny life in their hands……seein the most beautiful smile, tiny hands n legs , they literally drive themselves 20 years back..tat sort of a feelin is to be treasured, the tears r to b treasured…these r some of the few stuffs gals ud wanna feel..wen ud they even learn to face the world, face the humiliations ..understand the ppl around them…prove their capability…show their care to the society..b a part of good deeds happenin in the world….satisfyin their own wishes, likes right from chocolates to dresses, any silly wish on the earth..wen ud all these b fulfilled unless they stand in their own legs..supportin their parents n wat els ud b the most happiest moment other than tis…….Tis is all possible wen the gal is allowed to take decisions on her own n lead a life as she wishes..n stay outta d box…breakin the fear that prevails around her….n Tellin “YES” or “NO” what ever her heart feels n not forced to react by her surroundings…Jus like the funny oxymoron clearly misunderstood, exact estimate, small crowd, act natural, found missing, fully empty here comes the best part of it “HAPPILY MARRIED” (this is meant only for early marriages)… So gals do take wise decisions before you step into the next phase of life….

My First Post !!!!

FAILURE Vs SUCCESS
I never thought that I would pen down such a lot. But there is a pattern that is followed here in this post. It could be FAILURE Vs SUCCESS. This is a mixed form of my life’s tough, thrilling, memorable, sweet and fantabulous moments. I really don’t know if this ud b interesting to read but I just wanted to share these moments with ma frens. Am sure everyone of you ud ve come across such tough situations atleast once. If not letz pray that it should not happen. So here it goes……
I kept on wondering if I could spill out few words here. But I promise you friends that I would try to make this blog very simple. Simple in all possible aspects: simple words and delicate thoughts only. I have been thinking for a while and finally am here to share few of my life’s tough times which were memorable too, here it goes. That was the time when I used to enjoy life the way I want especially life’s short and sweet moments. Wanna know yeah as u think it is movies, friends, books, games, music, culturalz, contests, bunking classes, evening snack, tea time break, rain, treats, travels, birthday partyz, dresses, shopping, cosmetics, accessories, birthday gifts, scooty ridez, writing, glass painting,(list goes on). As the days went on, one fine day I could see ma classmates rushing up for placement classes in private centres, ma frndz started carrying huge huge reasoning and aptitude books to college and started solving them. Uh!!! Seriousness prevailed in everyone around me. Gosh finally I realized, that it was the time for PLACEMENTS. “INFOSYS” was a dream company for many of them in our college or else we ought to consider “INFOSYS” as our dream company, in other words it was a no other go company coz to our wonderful college only this company has signed an MOU to recruit students every year. It means that all the 600 ought to fight for 60 positions and that is their first and last chance too. Competitive spirit started to trigger in everyone and the word “Desultory” was completely off and everyone started to work with an aim. So I don’t get a point, do all the 600 need to undergo such a ridiculous journey for just placing themselves in 60 positions. Ok but I thought I was different, I always had a negative option about joining INFOSYS may be since I was in ECE and I don’t need a software concern or may be because I am a kinda gal who wanna enjoy life and may be I did not wanna sit before computer all the time. It could also be this way, I am too dependent on my mother and I could not leave her for a period of seven months and then settle in INFOSYS. I really do not know which of these created a thought of quitting INFOSYS and so I felt for namesake I ‘ll attend the company and I thought I will not take it seriously. I had discussed it with mom earlier and she too supported me a lot in my opinion. One difference between me and my mom is I am not influenced by other’s decision, I prefer to take my own decision but ma mom is just the opposite. She is easily influenced by people around her and their ideas mean her a lot. So that was the day I told my mom , “Amma INFOSYS collegeku varuthunu sonna, yenala softwarela survive panna mudiyathu ma so naan chumma attend pannalamnu iruken aana test la underperform pannidalamnu iruken ma, atleast antha chance mathavaluku pogumono” Ma mom initially was fine with my decision until a phone call came from my relation, “Sneha inga vaa, unga college ku urupadiya varathe antha company mattum than athaiyum vitutu nee yenna seiya pora, ozhunga intha company attend pani place aagura vazhiya paaru”, Argument went on for hours without conclusion from ma mom’s side as usual. Just to stop the fight I told her few lines” hmmm seri vendam test nanna panren selectum aayiduven aana athukapram vera core company vanthuthuna naan attend panikaren, pothuma Cha”. Ma mom waited for me to utter these words and then she pacified me. A long advice went on for hours and hours. I really don know why I ma ears weren’t ready to hear advices. After the long poem uttered by my mom, I finally agreed to join INFOSYS. Yeah I became a pakka nerd from the next day. I carried huge books to college for solving problems. I tried to collect a lot of INFOSYS question papers and started working day and night right from December 1. Huh I sacrificed ma short and sweet moments canteen chats, tea, snacks, walk, movies, books, phone calls everything possible. I think I would ve solved the maximum problems in my lifetime in a single month. After solving a lot of questions I thought I had the capability to even set the question paper. Huh!!! The day was not too far December 30 seemed to be very close. I forced my heart and mind to have a positive feeling towards INFOSYS. I developed the feeling by visiting the training campus in Mysore and I literally fell for it the first time I saw it. So then INFOSYS became my dream company too. I started to collect details of my seniors working in INFOSYS and I requested them to mail me the possible question papers. But finally I found that those papers were already solved by me and my friends. Dreams! Dreams! Dreams! I was in a total dream world. Waited for a wonderful New Year ahead and I started to plan ma appointments for New Year day. I jotted down the list and it included new dress, sweets, photos, greeting cards and I had even planned to recharge for 300 Rs to inform ma friends and relations that I am placed in INFOSYS. There were only two days ahead for attending our first company. Ma mom is such a sweet person that she had bought me new dresses to wear on that day. The dress was a green colour chudi mixed with white. She believes astrology and that particular week it was predicted that ma luckiest colour was green. I was very happy but then I asked her why she was spending too much. She had also bought matching earrings, bracelet, chain and ring. I said I was happy with the colour. I did not know why she took pains in buyin another purple colour chudi mixed with white. She said the latter would be too majestic for the interview. We had confusion in choosing the dress colour. Then I finally thought I’ll decide it later. I started to edit ma resume very early and then I started insisting ma friends too to complete their resume work first. Certificates were all arranged before hand and then it was December 29. I started to surf the net about the company profile, took print outs of ma resume. Learnt everythin pakka, Prepared to the possible extent. Confidence prevailed in me, may be over confidence too. Tat s coz of the hard work I had put in for the past 30 days. I hardly slept during these days. Okie here comes the finale of the most awaited day. Next day I got up too early say 4 and then took bath, neatly dressed for the interview, had my breakfast, took out my resume. Hey I forgot to include a small info, one day I spent in shopping just for a resume and got it for 150 bucks (konjam over but perfection irukanumla tat’s y).Okie I was finally ready my mom handed over me sloga books, sai baba photo, lucky number pics and gave me kumkum n vibuthi (film la paatha maathirye iruku la).Then got her blessings, left home and in bus I was excited to the possible. I am a hyper active gal and it cud be ma both positive and negative trait. Say for example I will be excited if my friend says ‘How sweet of u”. With lots of excitement I travelled in the bus, lotza dreams in ma mind, bright face and I thought it would be my big great day. Reached the auditorium, I could find lot of my friends in an excited state already. I was seated in the last and had doubts if test will be conducted there or not. I had doubts if ma paper will be corrected or not since I was seated at last. Huh there is no end to my imagination ever. We were taken in order to enter classrooms for aptitude test. I entered my classroom. I was ready to take up my test. I was seated in the fourth row because I had read in internet that the far you sit the more time you get to complete the test. I went in with hundred percent planning and then I got the paper. I took up my test before that I was supposed to fill up a form. Then I wrote ma aptitude test very well, I was very happy n excited and waited for my verbal paper. I could find not find any discrepancy while solving it and I did it with so much confidence and consistence. Finally I completed my test and then waited outside for results. I called up ma mom n told her that I had performed very well and was confident of getting into it. We waited so long for results and then we had our placement officer with results. The pattern of the results seemed to be too weird because they announced it in installment. In an hour ten ppl were called for HR interview. The first ten were called out and to be frank I expected my name to be in top ten. I waited waited counted 1, 2, 3….8, 9, 10 and it was over. Ma name was not there in the top ten. Shit how the hell I even missed it. I lost the hope initially after the ten names were announced. Waited for the next set to barge in, 2nd, 3rd. Ma name was not there and I was literally in a tensed state. 4th, 5th again over and yet ma name never ended up. Still I had hope and was waiting for the last set, started to pray, called up mom , messaged ma frens, asked them to pray and then the final set 6th one arrived. Uh!!! Finally I was relieved, Oh god don’t assume that ma name was there I said that I was relieved of the suspense tat’s it. MY NAME WAS NOT THERE IN THE LAST SET TOO. SO IT LITERALLY MEANT THAT “SNEHA IS NOT THROUGH THE APTITUDE ROUND” all the sets were over. Local slangla sollanumna “GOVINDA GOVINDA”. Each consisted of ten names 70 students were already in. They said that is all and the list is over. Tear gland was in action and it rushed up to ma eyes. But then the girly feeling “Its ok, not a big deal pl don cry eyeliner n kajal wil b out of the eyes and it may look weird” prevailed inside just for the sake of controlling ma tears before everyone. I had voices from behind “ How come you did’nt get through de” but I left unanswered. Tears were ready to reach ma cheeks they worked hard more than I worked for Infosys. But poor them I did nt want them to be upset like me. So I made my tears clear their first round the tears finally reached my cheeks when I reached my bus. But I had this weird feeling in me it’s like before I reach the main gate somebody ud cal me and temme “Hey sneha it seems u r selected for HR round de, they missed ur name while reading it so come soon”, ha ha ha wat a strange thought but it was after all an imagination. I was in bus and I had biscuits that I had brought from home for the purpose of compensating ma dinner if I were into HR round. Tears faced their continuous victory they reached ma cheeks for the possible number of times. Called up mom and informed her. She was upset inside but how lucky I am to get such a great mom, she told me, “Sneha you deserve something better, tat s ok don worry come home safe”. Again tears started to flow down and then finally reached home. I acted as though nothing happened and tried to be too cool which worked out only for a while. Slept on the bed and messaged ma frens who were into the HR interview “ALL THE BEST”. I tried to control ma tears still they were flowing out and then finally had a tiresome sleep. This was ma tough time in ma life ever but they were memorable too.I never shed a tear after that day for losing in INFOSYS. Two months passed by I pretended to be cool outside but I felt the real pain inside. I took an oath that I would work hard to the possible extent and achieve what I wanted, that I deserved. Everything turned out to be different, strange and then came this FEB 23 and 24, 2010. I had achieved what I wanted after a long struggle. Lemme start with the success part of my life. Okie here it goes..I was then surfing in the net for the next two months searching for jobs, registered at naukri, monster, and many more. Huh!!! It was really a tough time coz 2010 freshers were not elgible for any such job initially. Then the day had come, when I was into the annauniv website for a long time. I came to know about the placement conducted by annauniv at various zones. So in Coimbatore zone Accenture company participated and the date was scheduled on Feb 23 and Feb 24. So before a week I started all my preparations right from getting attestation and bonafide certificates. I was totally ready to face the battle. I downloaded a lot of question papers started working them out and I did not get into a very serious preparation coz I had a fear if it would end up in a failure like Infosys. So the day had come, ma mom and aunt accompanied me to Ramakrishna college. We went in a cab and students who were waiting outside assumed ma mom and aunt to be HR and then when I got down from the cab with my resume they were relieved. So as I entered the college I could see a lot of students preparing with the papers. This placement was conducted to students having more than 80% and to my surprise there were 1500 students above 80% and without a job. So here 1500 got to fight for less than 10% of the positions. I was thoroughly mad but never worried about it and I was just seated with my bag. I met my college mates and started to chat with them. It was time for aptitude test. So we were asked to move to the auditorium. I had my own imaginations since I had accurate 80.14% I had a doubt if any problem would come up. Thankfully nothing ended up because even 80.01 were considered eligible. Thank god I had somehow managed to score above 80% in my semesters. Then we were led to the auditorium after submitting our passport size photo, demand draft and bonafide certificate. We had to wait for hours till the whole auditorium was filled up. Finally we were taken to our aptitude test. I wasn’t tensed to solve problems, in fact I love it. But I had the bad luck that followed me in crucial situations and that was the only thing I was scared about. I filled up the form that was given and then the test began: 60 questions to be solved in 55 minutes with an essay in additional. I started solving and I was pretty confident about the answers and then the esaay topic was college life that is to be completed within five minutes. This time I was seated in the first bench apart from my superstitions of being seated at the last. They got ma paper back and we were supposed to be back to the audi in an hour for results. I could not eat anything, my body went through a tough time. I could’n drink water either, I think it’s all because of the tension that prevailed in me. I was reminded only about the INFOSYS test that hit back my mind again and again. Finally we were led to the RESULTS (pera keta udane chumma athiruthula). The chair person had a very long list but he really had a pattern to read them I suppose. He went from one page to another, returned to the same page again, switched to the last page then. God, he started to read them, 1,2,3,……..50,51……100……150….200…..250…..270….280….295..297 These many names were over and what could somebody think of at that moment if their name was not there. Yes I do thought the same, “Ok so our name is not there hmmm which bus are we supposed to catch, what plans next”, everything started running inside ma mind. There came the miracle in my life, 297 names were over and then 298 “Saraswathi Sneha”, I was in a literal shock. Oh my God am through ma aptitude round. Yahoooooo!!! I waited for this moment which finally ended up. When enquired they said that the names were announced in the order of the classes in which we were seated and it seems our class was the last one. I was in a shocked state and then the second round was Group discussion. I was seated in a classroom. Waited for an hour and then we had our Group Discussion, we spoke about the topic Women Status in India. That was really an interesting topic and the ma’m evaluated our marks. She sent the co-ordinator to announce the results. He came in and chose 6 out of 12. But I was not in that 6. God I was in some state of shock and then I packed my bags to leave. I could’n imagine myself losing in GD round because I was absolutely confident about my English. I felt I was better compared to the others in our group. Within a spark of a minute, another co-ordinator plunged in and called out the other 6 names and I was in that and it meant that all the 12 of us were through the GD round. Ma God this tension never leaves me, every second it follows and gives me an heart ache. It was like a storm after a Tsunami. I got through GD round too. Next I was supposed to enter HR round followed by technical round. It was 8.00 PM and we almost completed filling up our forms. Ma frenz left the place since they were from hostel and they had planned to take up both the rounds the next day. I had the confidence to face the HR round the same day. I waited till 8.30 PM. I was led to a panel. The same ma’m whom I met in GD was my HR. She was very cool and she asked me few questions about movies, actor surya, nayanthara, she asked me to explain Aadhavan story, then she asked to me to define myself in one word. We had a conversation for 10 mins and I waited outside for ma result. The co-ordinator told me “Sorry YOU ARE SELECTED“. I was hanging in the word sorry for a long time but then I realized the latter part of the line and I was totally relieved that I was selected. Huh! Why the hell does he have to play with those lines, why did the word SORRY come for no reason. I have been noticing him and he has been playing with everyone like this, his famous lines were “Sorry you are selected”, “Unfortunately you are through the next round”, Oh god what a stupid response was that. Anyways I was really excited that I was through the HR round and I had this kinda feeling “Habba yepdiyo moonu round mudinchuthu, 4th round mattum clear pannita, lifela yepdiyavathu settle aayidalam” . I took a lift from ma friend’s dad and we three were riding in a scooty pep. I was really thankful to both coz they were also really scared for riding in triples tat too at 9 PM. Anyways I then took a bus till ma house and I had a wonderful time on the way coz I called up every friend of mine and I told them that I cleared 3 rounds and that I am left with one technical round the next day. I reached home and mom was too happy but then, only technical round was running in ma mind and I got few C,C++ books from ma friend that night. I kept alarm the next day at morning 3.45 and I started to prepare for the technical questions. I really feared a lot because the technical round would be fully regarding the C,C++,JAVA,OOPS,DOT NET concepts. I knew only the names of these languages and nothing else. I had quite a good knowledge in C but still it is really difficult to brush up the C concepts in a day. I prepared few topics on ma technical subjects too and I ma mind was completely blank that morning. I surfed through the company’s profile. I went in Ramakrishna college bus and I was in a complete tensed state. I reached the college and I was supposed to be seated in a seminar hall. I waited so long and that really meant 5-6 hours. Oh God!!! Nothing came to ma mind that moment except the sloga taught by ma mom, “Om Veerath vajaya vithmagee, Vignahasthaya Deemagee, Thanno Bowma Prasodhaya”, I would ve chanted this mantra more than 500 times and tat’s y I think I remained calm for few hours. This mantra was very powerful it seems, according to ma mom’s view in my Jaathagam the Guru was standing with a huge piece of luck in its plate, but the Sani was continuously letting the plate down it seems. So If I chant this mantra the sani will forget its existence for a minute and the fate will push the Guru with the plate full of luck to ma hands. Hmmm that moment I never worried about Guru or Sani but only about the C language.I could see people surrounded with huge huge gunda type of books C, C++,JAVA, DOT NET. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What the hell, I lost ma patience I never touched ma book , All I wanted at the particular moment is just the technical round and that’s it. I was ready to face both the extremes Success or Failure, I never minded. All I wanted is just peace. I could not get tensed like that for after all a job. But then the “After all job” meant a lot in my life. Huh!!! Okie then I was finally called for the technical round. I went upstairs and again I was supposed to wait wait wait. Students were led to 10 panels totally five meant to be HR and five meant technical. I heard some rumours regarding the panels and it seems in a certain panel all the students were rejected. Hmmm the sani now played a game on me I was exactly led to that particular panel. After every student completes his/her technical round the coordinator will tel them one of these two sentences, “Sorry you are rejected”, “Come back to the seminar hall at 3 o clock”. So the latter meant that they ve cleared the round and that they were accenturites from then. I was waiting in front of the rejection panel and I could see a lot of students come out from that panel with a sad face and it meant that no one got through that particular panel. I had few mins left before the interview took place. So I thought I could play a game on Sani , so I started to chant those mantra’s very efficiently. To my surprise I was led to other panel by the co-ordinator that was considered as a selection panel. The HR in the rejection panel required lunch to reject the forthcoming candidates. Thankfully I was not in his panel and that brought me some confidence. Still I had a last bit of tension and finally I was led to the technical interview. I went in and wished ma HR, he was a north Indian I suppose or may be a foreigner too, he spoke in tat slang only. He was a very cool person and I had the confidence to clear that particular round the moment I saw him as I entered. He asked me to tell few words about myself and I took it as an advantage and spoke about myself for 10 mins. I guess he was impressed and he put forward few questions from ma resume. I answered it really well I guess and then he asked me if I am interested in working at foreign. I was in a state of shock, a happier one this time and I confirmed that I am through that round. I told him that I was not interested in foreign. Oh my God I shouldn’t have been this frank I guess, but I think that impressed him a lot. Hmmm then the interview went on for few mins, I never had a single technical question in that round and then the HR finally ended “ I had a great time with you, Thank you”. I was happy for having completed that round successfully and then I waited out for the result. The co-ordinator told me, “You ve cleared this round, Wait in the seminar hall at 3”, I was in the peak of excitement. But still I waited for the official announcement of the results. Anytime, Sani might ruin ma excitement. So I started chanting the mantras. I was relieved of tension finally. I was in a completely excited state. Still I feared about the official announcement of the results. Ma friends started calling up their parents confidently but I still waited for the final announcement. I waited for hours and at sharp 8.00 o clock the chair person came up with the results. They finally announced the names of the students who were placed in Accenture. I was one among them, that was the MOST MEMORALBLE MOMENT in ma life. The moment I was waiting for, the moment that gave me fame, the moment that took me to the peak of excitement and happiness, the moment that drew a pathway for ma future, the moment that answered ma mom’s prayers, the moment that took to me to endless tears, the moment that answered all ma obstacles, the moment that thrashed all the humiliations, the moment that led me to path of victory, the moment that made me realize what I am ,the real moment that brought me into existence, the moment that brought SNEHA back to life, the moment that meant everything in ma life, the moment that became ma life. While I am typing this I am able to feel the moment right now. Tears crawl down ma cheeks, they meant something genuine. Finally I achieved what I wanted, that I deserved and I don’t think that I would have such beautiful moment in ma lifetime in future. I can never forget this in ma life and now I am out of words to write. So lemme end this post here, I dono if it was interesting or not, but I really thank you all for having read this very patiently. So finally FAILURE Vs SUCCESS ends here.